I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
