somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
