Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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