I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
