Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
