Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's shark week go big or go home
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
