im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
