So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
