You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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