i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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