____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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