So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
