Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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