Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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