u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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