Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
