you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
