I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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