my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
