He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
