i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
