After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
