She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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