I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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