he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
