its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
