Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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