I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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