Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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