Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
