Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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