So drunk its hurt
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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