So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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