God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
