i just wanna soil my oats bro
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
