I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
