Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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