Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
