i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
