I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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