Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
