I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
