Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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