Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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