I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
They have beer where we have blood.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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