Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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