I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
