I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
