I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
