i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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