Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
