508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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