I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
