just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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