I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
